English Essays (groan)

So how do I write such a heart chilling post and make it pleasant to read. Well, I'm afraid I can't so quick while you have the chance, get out of here and go and read about bunny rabbits unless you want to be completely and utterly depressed by an oncoming English essay (the horror).

So, you've chosen to listen?

Have you ever written an English essay? What I used to think was an English essay was a big A3 paper with nice guidelines to help you along. Well, I was wrong. That was hard enough. But then they tell you,

"You must write at least two times as much as usual without those lovely guidelines!"said by your ratty American English teacher in a terrible accent.

So the huge essay looming up about pointless things like
"Should Frankenstein have gone home or gone out?" Such pointless questions as that are the spearhead of an English essay. My essay would be simply a sentence long!
"It is a book, not real, so who cares!"Unfortunately that would not pass as an essay but merely the beginning of the beginning of the beginning.

So I've decided to take it further and write,
"Frankenstein should have gone out because his house was cold I mean how was he to know that the monster would kill him." Pant pant. Crumpets what a flipping long sentence. It makes me shiver to think of it.

So I have come to the conclusion that essays are a waste of time. So

English Essays (Groan)

And as I look forward (unhappily) to the essay I have considered writing two sentences instead of one. I'm sure my English teacher will be pleased.